The terrors of teething: A report from Major Dad

For the last month we’ve lost our delightful, happy little boy to the terrors of teething. The poor child seems to be an all-or-nothing sort of chap and is cutting four teeth at once. It has been tough on all of us and reached a peak this week with high fevers and severely disrupted nights. In an attempt at laughter (because if we don’t laugh we’ll cry), my husband has written the following report …

Day 21: The hostage drama continues

  • Date: 23 May 2013
  • Time: 20h09
  • Status: All quiet on the western front

Negotiations broke down again yesterday as the USP (United State of Parents) could not meet the demands of ALkidda and their supreme leader, Camsama bin Cryden, AKA “The Baby Terrorist”.

Since the first tooth broke out in this most recent skirmish, the situation has become volatile and unpredictable. Despite periods of calm during the day, the upstairs quadrant erupts into a fire fight each night.

The USP has a numbers advantage against the insurgent and out numbers the enemy 2 to 1. In spite of their overwhelming supremacy and array of weapons, including teething gel, paracetamol, suppositories, rocking, singing, feeding and tag teaming, the home cell of ALkidda has continued to rule with an iron fist.

The fighting reached a peak last night and the USP was forced to bring a weapon of mass sleep persuasion into the fray. The tank, AKA “The Pram”, was deployed to the upstairs quadrant in an attempt to control the threat.

ALkidda countered with guerilla tactics, faking sleep until removed from the tank. He then launched a furious counter-attack of screaming and dirty nappies which defeated the USP in the Battle of the Bedroom.

As we await the first pitched battle of the evening, I write this report from a trench on the front line.

To all members of the United State of Parents Army – good luck and good night.


3 thoughts on “The terrors of teething: A report from Major Dad

  1. oh, thanks you so much – I laughed so loud – never fear for ALkidda may have won this battle but USP will win this war.

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